Sunday, June 11, 2006


Super Silver 2001 CITROEN XSARA PICASSO SX 16V MPV Item number: 4646346659

This is the point when the auctions hit the internet. This auction was viewed by over 6500 people and ended up on many forums and blogs. Examples being FARK and The Register. The emails went from 100's to 1000's per day.

The latest....

On 26-May-06 at 09:09:00 BST, seller added the following information:

A quick roundup of the questions - here we go again...

The interior is in very good condition.
Yes it has front fog lights
Yes and rear ones too, Howard.
No I will not give you Donald's email address or send you the pictures. I am not an introductions agency Please read the warning on item no 4643413619
Yes they do work, Howard.
No Howard no 'blown' bulbs. Ever thought of putting all of this in one email?
Oh hi Bob, (see item 4633452260) nice chat with Dick Chaney? Sorry I'm not even going to answer that. Does your mum know that you have access to a computer?

On 26-May-06 at 17:24:06 BST, seller added the following information:

Next batch of questions:

Not sure what I would do with a Shetland Pony in the middle of Oxford, Jason (and please don't take this as a challenge to find a 1001 uses of a Shetland pony in the centre of a city - I get enough emails as it is) but thanks for the offer. NO SWAPS.
It's 5 speed - that's the gears by the way not the ability to do only five physical speeds (like 10, 15, 25, 30 and 70 mph) before someone thinks ...That must have saved me getting at least 34 emails.
I don't guarentee much in life but I will guarentee that its not nicked or under any HP.
For all those who think I'm being a bit hard on Bob, tell you what, send me your email address and I'll pass it on to him. You could always set up a Bob appreciation society, nurture him, go for long walks along station platforms and giggle at the same inane TV programmes together sitting holding hands in matching anoraks. He is feeling a bit down at the moment as the White House didn't answer his emails apparently - no sense of humour some administrations. Be warned he does manage to put emails out like a demented spam bot.
Yes I have the V5 log book
I'm off for a drink.

On 27-May-06 at 22:27:37 BST, seller added the following information:

OK first thing thanks to all those who have sent their good wishes.

Secondly to the 56 'Bobs' who in some strange matrixesque syncronisity have all emailed me in the last 24 hours the answer is no you can't be my special friend.

The first point I would make is that I think that you need some form of parental really shouldn't be offering this sort of thing over the internet; your Mum really wouldn't like it.

The second point is that given the fact that 56 of you all decided to contact me at pretty much the same time from a number of different countries is you have to admit a little odd. Have you ever thought that you might actually be Agent Smith? I'd get a check-up I were you.

Ok on with the questions:

The tyres are good
The clutch is good
The handbrake is good
The lights are good
The radio is good
The CD is good - are you getting a picture here? A pattern forming maybe?
More no doubt later.

On 31-May-06 at 23:18:20 BST, seller added the following information:

Ok last comments. I would like to say thanks the 100's of people now emailing me about cup holders every day. I would like to but I can't.

I am very heartened by people like rasberryberry and quite a few others who took the time to email me and say 'I like your car'. Great, show your appreciation by bidding now.
How on earth am I meant to answer that? Not being psychic working out if it has ever been smoked in is a little on the difficult side don't you think? My powers of deduction however are reasonable - The ashtray is as new and the cigarette lighter has by the looks of it, never been used and there is no smell of anything but car. That should also be taken as answer the numerous questions about the presence of, dogs, cats, sheep, hamsters and any thing else people (particularly ebayers) could possibly be allegic too. Ok and I really don't need anyone to point out that such beasts don't use ashtrays and lighters thanks, just get on with your life.
To the lone American who emailed to say that you didn't like my reference to your Vice President in a previous advert - tough springs to mind. You were never going to bid anyway. however whilst I am the topic I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm not the only one in the world not that impresssed with the performance...

On 04-Jun-06 at 20:04:40 BST, seller added the following information:

Firstly thanks for the messages of support following the pond life that bid last time and didn't pay (item 4643892069). I do seriously wonder about the purpose of some peoples lives. Anyway as you will see in the bidding history, if you have less than 10 positive bids and want to bid for real simply contact me first. Otherwise you will go the way cars4u0606 ( 0 ) has. Bid removed and blocked from bidding until (I was going to say until the next ice age but on reflection the probability of the next ice age happening is somewhat higher than cars4u0606 ( 0 ) or grahamcode113313 ( 0 ) No longer registered with eBay has of getting to bid on any of my stuff again.).

Oh and as happened in a previous auction don't come after the fact and say you didn't know about the rules. Blocked means blocked, even if you did want to bid for real, if you don't ask first I will just change the reason for your being blocked from 'failing to comply with auction rules' to 'lack of intellect - shouldn't be driving'. - Go and try a different planet.

Ok to the questions:

Try this neat trick - r-e-a-d-i-n-g or getting someone better educated to read the description for you. 5 seats - now lets count them together shall we? One, two, and over in the back we have three, four and the last one makes five. Yes! just the same number as the little piggies you have on one hand or foot (on average, given BSH. (British Standard Human)of course). There wasn't that fun? And now through the round window today we have clouds. Yes you can have so much fun trying to walk on them....
All the lights work.
I really haven't the foggiest - ask Citroen. I have to admit of all the artists you wouldn't want designing your car Picasso would come pretty high on the list wouldn't he? Beaten into second probably only by Dali. Can you imagine? The Citroen DALI SE (Surrealist Edition) 2.5 Hatchback...well more of a hatch / coupe / clock / melty thing actually. Citroen have got it all wrong when you think about it. The car version is way too neat and ordered - the steering wheel should really be underneath, the seats stuck to the outside sides of the car with the wheels at random corners and the exhaust would have an analytic converter of course.

On 05-Jun-06 at 15:24:36 BST, seller added the following information:
Where did you go to school? I am now getting emails about the analytic exhaust! What is it with people? There must be something being slipped into the UK water supply, possibly by the government to increase the stupidity quotient of the population in the hope that we don't notice all the taxes and other cute ways of getting us to work for less. Bob (another one - I am getting suspicious about people with this name), Gerrard, Sally and Dean all emailed to say didn't I mean catalytic converter? No as it happens I didn't - It was a pun on on the idea of Analytic Cubism which was the first phase of cubism developed by Picasso and Barque between 1907 and 1912. Stop sending people irrelevant emails and start buying. If it hadn't escaped your notice that's what ebay is about. Buy and in particular buy this MPV, you will feel so much better for it.

On 05-Jun-06 at 22:03:41 BST, seller added the following information:

Thanks for the offer. Now just so that I can be sure that I have this right you want me to write for your magazine. That's nice. This is a magazine that you sell and what's more you make a profit from. That's nice too. You want to give me a regular slot doing an article a month for you. That's also nice. This will help you sell more magazines. Nice as well. You don't want to pay me for writing articles for you to sell. That's the end of nice.Just so that you are aware the Slavery Abolition Act stopped such practices in 1833. We also have a minimum wage in the UK. I've heard about tight but thats tighter than a ducks bum.

Yes you can test drive it - evenings are the best time.
The heating works very well, just the ticket for June with temperatures in the 20's (Celcius).

On 06-Jun-06 at 01:53:29 BST, seller added the following information:
Pay instantly with your debit or credit card through PayPal.

On 06-Jun-06 at 18:56:50 BST, seller added the following information:

Firstly I didn't add the thing about preferring paypal. I prefer cash for vehicles - that way there can be no dispute. You get a great car and I get the money at the same time.

Secondly, Yes it drives very well, it is very smooth.

Thirdly, yes you can have it inspected before the end of the auction. I welcome any inspection by the likes of the RAC or AA etc. Just look at my feedback all my descriptions are spot on. This is a very good vehicle you will be well pleased with it.

Fourth please I have enough photographs of people's wives / girlfriends. I will not swap this car for your wife - Try Relate. Hmmm I might have an ebay auction of wives and girlfriends I have been offered for an MPV with pictures. That should end a few relationships. Maude, sorry I don't take husbands either dear. No I'm not sure how you put up with him, he sounds awful - why on earth would you possibly think I would want him?

On 06-Jun-06 at 19:07:16 BST, seller added the following information:
Sorry you want to swap him for ME??? Er Maude.. he may have no sense of humour, is fat, has no teeth, is bald, hairy in all the wrong places (ugh) and eats like a pig but I'm not up for auction or swapping and I hate to say it but you married him. Yes I agree that was over 50 years ago but I don't do an old for new service. Try leaving him out with the recycling bins - you never know.

On 07-Jun-06 at 00:54:57 BST, seller added the following information:

For crying out loud, haven't people got jobs to do, lives to live or beds to go to? Thanks largely to something called FARK (???) and 'The Register' (sounds like something you did at school) I suddenly appear to have become the clearing house for every wit in the northern hemisphere. I can't delete the emails with references to cupholders fast enough. There must be a cupholder website for people like you somewhere. Thanks guys just what I needed in my life - more bloody emails. If it wasn't for the lack of sex (or the brand I prefer anyway) a monastery is starting to sound like a good career move at this moment in my hitherto uneventful and quite life.

On 07-Jun-06 at 19:43:53 BST, seller added the following information:

Last few....why me?

Sort yourself out - what am I tourist information all of a sudden? No the pedals in the UK are all the same as in the US except we have three of them usually, except when we don't - ask for an auto I wouldn't want you to get confused. Enjoy your holiday in the UK. **************** what like these astericks? Maybe ebay just won't allow Americans to have the astericks in emails. Should have the same rules about weapons too.

The bumpers are fine - this is an excellent vehicle. You will be well pleased with it.

Q: hi just wondering do you have all previos mot or hpi check to confer mileage is genuine or has car any claims or accidents
A: Mots present and no accidents

Q: Did you ever fit your wife and 5 kids in it and if so how
A: You make an assumption that I still have a wife.

Q: How much is shipping to New York, USA? I may need it shipped overnight for a camping trip I am going on. Does it have any bloodstains?
A: $1million and not yet but they could be arranged. You volunteering?

I remember this beign on FARK and laughing really, really hard at 1) the stupidy and/or ignorance of these people and 2) your hilarious sarcasm.

Keep up the good work on all three blogs, mate.
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