Plato the Fish - ebay responses

Q:hi there, what is your buy it now price regards neil.
02-May-06
A:There isn't one. The bid now button, whilst a miserable replacement usually satisfies, give it a go, you know it makes sense.
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Q:Can i buy this GUIDE from Woolworths?
02-May-06
A:You shop at Woolworths???? Woh way out of my shopping league - on different planet..
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Q:I've heard from an insider that May's issue features an exposé on faulty cup holders in contemporary vehicles, can you confirm this?
29-Apr-06
A:Imagine what value the new 'glasses guide for human values May 2006 would catalogue the following at: ......................... The ever popular high milage 'ebayius emailier horribalus' with extra side handles and spare tyre. The frankly very low production special edition model of 'ebayius intelligencia gotalifeia' and of course the 'lesser spotted nonebayius productiva lifeoralla'.
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Q:hi could you tell me how much a picasso 2003 is worth regards gregers
28-Apr-06
A:Hmmmm now let me look...retail or trade? Ahh here we are page 177. Ok Trade is.... er hang on just make sure I have the right model. Ok here it is yup Lots and retail, well that must me a missprint. Ok, nope it must be right. Retail is a hell of a lot. BID...NOW you are sure of a bargain.
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Q:You describe this as MAY 2006 Glass's Guide YES MAY 2006!!! Unused Why does it say April on the front cover?
27-Apr-06
A:Ooops wrong photo...I'll replace it sorry
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Q: hi,, how much to buy it now,,,, including delivery,, paypal... Simon
27-Apr-06
A: Sorry no buy it now. Bidding all the way. Regards Dave
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Q:whats the average size of a fully grown male bottle nose dolphin (at room temperature)?
27-Apr-06
A:Odd that you should ask this. As a dolphin trainer for Gullible Travel Seaworld I think that you will find the average of the Atlantic bottlenose dolphin is about 10 feet maxing out at 12 feet long. This compares favourably with the common bottle brained homo sapien who stretches out to a mean of about 5' less with an IQ and wit to match. Tipped for extinction the WWF and the UN have decided not to place 'homo stellacognito daftus' them under a protection order in the interests of the protection of the higher order species 'homo ebayus sellaris'. Show your IQ - Bid and now. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q:have you got a buy it now price?
26-Apr-06
A:Hi No but there is a very nice buy it later button cunningly disguised as a 'bid now' button. Give it a go. It will increase your IQ by at least 20 points and make you even more attractive. Have fun.

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On 28-Apr-06 at 23:06:29 BST, seller added the following information:

So many emails so much a waste of lives - mine mainly. The lowlights this evening:

• Emyln. About the speed of the electric windows. I really don't think that you should worry unduly. What ever the speed is, in all honesty it is quite likely to be quicker than your brai... why me?
• No no tax
• Yes it's like new inside. Like new but not new. 32,000 miles not new.
• I'm pleased that you like the shape and colour of this MPV, Gillian. Just why you took the time to write to tell me this is beyond me. As you like it so much I would bid now.
• I really don't know if it's been used to tow anything. Given that I don't see a tow bar I find this unlikely. However given the shades of the species I am currently meeting on ebay anything is possible.
• I have no idea if it has been taken abroad. Does it really matter?
• No wonder that there is such a high divorce rate. Please no more offers to swap this or any other vehicle for your partners. John as good looking as your girl friend undoubtably might be I do think that you might usefully invest in either photography lessons and/or a decent camera. John J - I'm not that way inclined - have you got chicken pox or something?
  
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  On 29-Apr-06 at 10:38:56 BST, seller added the following information:
  
  
• John J that was not an invite to share just what the condition is that you have. I don't want to know and I really don't care that its not contagious. And yes it is quite clear that you do have a big one, thanks for pointing that out to me. I am still not interested, not now not ever. In fact if I was ever to consider going down that line I would imagine (not a thought I hold easily I have to say) that size would matter and believe me - small would be good.
  

I used to enjoy looking in my email box in the morning, getting messages from family and mates that sort of stuff. Hay ho!


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On 30-Apr-06 at 15:36:01 BST, seller added the following information:

Another batch of questions...don't think I can reply to any more individually so I have rounded them up and here is a selection:

• Yes it has fog lights.
• Yes at the front and the rear thank you for your attention to detail to my reply. These are very useful for blinding decent drivers with on the motorway. People who don't turn their fog lights off or put them on at the slightest hint of rain.... Personally my preference would be having a small vehicle based guided missile system. That would put a stop to such inconsiderate practices. Should be standard spec on some vehicles (can you imagine the mayhem??). It would also give the local Highways Agency (Who the hell calls them highways any more? Are they run by Dick Turpin or someone??) something to do with all the snow ploughs during the other 361 day a year that they sit around rusting at the tax payers expense.
• John J look...I was about to tell you to bugger off but on reflection...
• Yes it's genuine. Do you think I have taken photo's of some random Picasso on the street and plonked it on ebay for the hell of it? Sort yourself out.
  

More as I get through them and when I can be bothered.

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Question & Answer

• Q:Hi does this auction included the steering wheel and would a focus bodykit fit on
  01-May-06
  A:Thanks for this. If you want to put a focus body kit onto this be my guest, once you have won it. I'm getting good at this...let me guess you walk around in white track suits and trainers as posh wear with your gold chains and bracelets. A mobile that plays something 'humerous' like the crazy frog. Can't wait to meet you. #################################################
• and I want to add this as it's too close to the end of the auction to add new stuff to the description. Question from wagan_playboy wagan_playboy( 109) Positive Feedback: 100% Member Since: 19-Nov-01 Location: Lancashire, United Kingdom Registered On: www.ebay.co.uk
• A heat felt thank you, you mentioned QVC in your reply and I didnt have a clue what QVC was, so Googled it....WOW, how fantastic, much better than the tat that idiots are selling on here. Answer - I knew it! Lol. I am not sure that I want a heat felt from you but thanks for the offer. Now about your ebay name.... Will someone else tell him?
  
• Q: just to let you know i am a genuine bidder.1st time on ebay,been looking for a car just like yours.we have 3 daughters(1,4,6,)this car would be perfect.
  01-May-06
  A:I see your three daughters and raise you 4 daughters and one son. Luckily I have now discovered what was doing it. Need some help? Ok if you want to bid can I have a telephone number just to check please. Ta
  
• Q: Can you email me directly as i am very interested in the vehicle & perhaps i could ring you. Thanks Wayne
  01-May-06
  A: Ok
  
• Q:How much wood would a woodchuck cut, if a woodchuck could cut wood?
  01-May-06
  A:Strangely I know the answer to that. About 4900 of your scouse pounds, liverpoolfcforever, right now on bid now for this picasso as it happens.
  
• Q: Hello, is the paint on the car a metallic silver?
  01-May-06
  A:Yes Artic Silver. Having been to the artic I don't recall metalic silver being a colour that was present. A million shades of white, green and blue, but metalic silver?? Can't have been paying attention at that bit.
  
• Q:SERIOUS QUESTION. Can you tell me wether or not this vehicle has had the recall done on the lower steering joint as I know it was a problem with these cars (I found out the hard way), if its been done im seriously interested.
  01-May-06
  A:Hi Yes all the recalls have been done on this. The suspension cup was done last. All of the services etc. have been done at Citroen dealers.
  
• Q:Hi, Was just wondering if you could let me know exactly what shade of Silver the car is please? Thanks. Allan.
  29-Apr-06
  A:Hi Allan. Of course mate. Nice to get a sensible question for once. You know I wish there were more people like you. Regular guy with a regular job living a regular life nodoubt with a regular wife and regular kids. How can one not fail but to respond to such a nice regular question. Well watch this...
  
• Q:I don't think 'bid now' tops 'axiomatic' to be honest, however 'equigravisphere' probably would. Anyway back to the matter in hand I don't fancy the Picasso, French you see. Do you also deal in regular cars or just MPV's? Cheers, Darren.
  29-Apr-06
  A:Sorry 'bid now' tops most things even SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS. As for the MPV thing...I will sell any thing I can quite frankly. I do lament the demise of the trade in slavery. There are a few people I could think of that I could get great pleasure out of selling. Back to the cars. I can get most cars. I usually buy for people with specific requests. The MPV thing just happens to be a coincidence based on deals and price. The ebay thing is an experiment. I thought that it would be an interesting experiment and a rewarding experience to add to my life's hitherto rich variety. Well there you go.
  
• Q:Dave - In all your excitement in making the racey ad for the 'SUPER SILVER 2003 CITROEN XSARA PICASSO MPV' you seem to have omitted UK postage costs - could you give me an idea please. TIA & Regards, Xarathustra.
  29-Apr-06
  A:Remember the old school playground joke? 'Wanna stamp?' So you want an idea...doesn't suprise me.
  
• Q:How much will you accept for the Picasso, lowest that is for cash ??? Is the car immaculate etc Please advise & thanks wayne
  28-Apr-06
  A:£4600 the car is as described on the ad. The car has as you can see on the photo's a dent on the rear offside passanger door and wheel arch. Apart from\that it is like new. Dave
  
• Q:Would you swap for a Ford Fiesta? It's red, kind of old, taxed and MOT. The petrol cap is stuck though, but it has enough for about 30 miles left.
  28-Apr-06
  A:Tell you what I will swap it for £4900 pounds and then you can keep your Fiesta. I can tell that you are emotionally attached to it. However I am sure that if you hold onto your car for a couple of months the petrol in the tank will be worth as much. I have to say that I have been amazed at how many truely funny people there are on ebay. The search continues.
  
• Q:Have you ever driven it to the shops? I notice that you don't mention that. If so what did it go like? Did you manage to get what you wanted?
  28-Apr-06
  A:Ok let me mention it. Shops. Feel better? Super, your day (if not your life) must feel complete now. What would make you feel a lot better would be winning this wonderful car. Bid and forget the bloody shops.
  
• Q:Does it have a built in toaster ?
  28-Apr-06
  A:Odd you should ask that. There is a slot in the dashboard just above the radio. What do you think? Oh sorry that was an unfair question.
  
• Q:What is the green thing in place of the near side wing mirror? Is it a drink can cooler maybe?
  28-Apr-06
  A:I think you must have something in your eye. Try poking it with a sharp stick - might help.
  
• Q:Hi, does the car include the transformer option like in the advert when it dances to that funky music? If so what kind of music does it dance to and does it like pasta?
  28-Apr-06
  A:Nice. It actually has the luxury transforming with mother-in-law and/or kids inside remote function. Very handy the end of the tether is in sight. What the hell does that mean any way? What tether? This must have been coined by a mandog or werewolf reduced into captivity. It only really hates garage music. Bidding would be good.
  
• Q:hi do you have a buy it now price ?
  28-Apr-06
  A:You offering?
  
• Q:Axiomatic. Good word!
  28-Apr-06
  A:An even better phrase is Bid now.
  
• Q:Hi I have the ultimate deal for you - would you swap for my collection of cup holders, my shed with new plastic roof, and i'll even through in my naked girlfriend inside the shed as its your birthday?
  28-Apr-06
  A:What no photo's? No test drive and no neurons? Golly how could I resist? That's a toughy. Just buy the MPV.
  
• Q:If I crash it can I get my money back?
  28-Apr-06
  A:No
  
• Q:Do the rear plastic trays and cup holders work?
  28-Apr-06
  A:Yes they work. Please tell me you are not called Bob.