Thursday, June 29, 2006


Super 1998 RENAULT ESPACE RT DT GREEN MPV Item number: 170000740580

On 26-Jun-06 at 16:47:19 BST, seller added the following information:


I've been away for a couple of days. I'll get going on the replies today. It's a bit slow at the moment only a couple of hundred waiting for me when I opened up my mail box this afternoon.

So here are the first few, I'll tackle the rest after a stiff drink tonight - from a quick glance at my inbox the Recycle Bin will be putting on some weight.

I appear to have got a small amount of racist, bigoted rubbish that some people believe is humorous. Let me say right here and now - the short cut to the bin is to email gunge like that.

Ok on with some of the questions - from the first couple I appear to have gained the status of a medium. Also so now lets extend the description to no swaps and no fortune telling. I don't do the future or make predictions. If I could the National Lottery would be boring for the rest of you.

Paulie there are 7 seats - see description above. That kind of gives quite a bit of a clue as to how many people it will seat. Takes deductive logic I grant you, and Ok have to admit that I am making the assumption that you would want them all to sit on seats and stick within the law etc. - as I am learning on ebay - take nothing and especially no one for granted.

That's a tough I know you? Nope, don't think so. Have I ever clapped eyes on your family? Nope, don't think so. Do I know what make and model of dog you have? Also no. So given the fact that I have no idea how big your family actually is, nor do I know how big your dog is, just what predictions do you actually think I am able to make about whether or not you will all fit in the damn car?
My question back is - can your wife actually drive? What exactly am I meant to do with a question like 'will my wife be able to drive this?'. There are of course other questions I might need the answers to, to be able to tell you... Questions like - Is she alive? Is she old enough? Can her legs reach the pedals? Indeed is she human - you do hear of some weird marriages between species...Give me a clue at least.

Charles, I am genuinely happy for you - I really am. You sound soo happy who couldn't be happy for you? The only thing that baffles me is what on earth has your relationship got to do with this auction? Further I have no idea why you would want to email a complete stranger and tell them a) how much in love you are, b) what a great lover she is and c) that you will be visiting Leeds next month. Do you need an MPV to: a) deepen your love? b) keep your love life on a plateau ? c) get to Leeds in?

Yes it has a Jack

Yes the radio works

Yes there are loads of paper work for it and I mean loads.

Oh Hi Bob

Yes all the windows work - you can see through them. ???

No there are no dents.

I have a what way exactly can a cup holder not work? It's a like asking if a golf hole works? You put things in them - how could that not work? Are you asking if they are full already? Am I missing something here?

More after a barrel of beer tonight. I can't face any more revelations about the ability of people to attend to an auction. Please, it really is easy. See something you need. Make sure it's what you want. Bid, win, buy, give me the money and I give you a great deal and a fab MPV. When I do it the other way around it appears to work quite well. I don't think I have ever looked at a book and mused - I wonder if any of the words are missing? Have all the pictures been coloured in yet? Has anyone ever eaten a bun reading the book? Nope never a thought.

On 26-Jun-06 at 21:59:00 BST, seller added the following information:

Ok I have a beer and I am feeling ready to tackle the deluge:

· Kippers or joints? The "has anyone smoked in the vehicle" question is now the second most popular question after the cup holders variations of course. I, nor any of my family / friends smoke. (If you want any help with such weaknesses / addictions contact me - I'm serious but it will cost you.) Now about the previous owners and all it's passengers in it's 100,000 mile history...all I can say is there is no evidence of such (bits of coughed up lung, yellow slime etc etc.) however I, but a mere mortal who failed their A level mediumship examinations at school.
· Kay, there has to be an easier way to get an MPV than offering to marry the seller. Just a thought but had you considered buying it? It's a lot less hassle honest. Fair enough, you won't get the gifts, cards and funnymoon but even then I think if you examine the options you'll find it's a better deal than your proposed action. At least you can sell it on when you want a new model without having to split the house, pensions and having a fight over who gets custody of the cat.
· Ppppplease whilst I am sure that it is hilariously funny at your school to boast that you have sent 'that guy on ebay' a piccy of your bum (I assume that's what it was - the focus needs a little work) it doesn't really cause me to want to converse with you. And yes young lady as it happens I can guess your gender; either that or you have a serious problem young man.
· No air con.
· No sunroof
· No damp
· No rust
· No Accident damage
· No you can't. It hardly fits with anything that could possibly be termed as a normal inspection. It's an MPV not a campervan. Just out of curiosity do you often allow random people to sleep in your car outside your house? I'm not sure I really want to know the answer to this but why would you want to?
· Yes I have the V5
· There is a saying creeping into our language like some form of insidious linguistic Mexican wave; "No drama". - For example take the next few emails...Will you swap your MPV for a ..... if not no drama. (No f%^&*ng swaps ok????). Does it have central locking? If not no drama. (yes by the way). Can I rent it for the weekend if not no drama. (no I'm not rentaMPV) Can I fit a towbar to it if not no drama. (once you have bought it you can fit a bar, paint it day glow pink and cover it with pedigree chum and sparklers if you want). No drama?? what do you mean no bloody drama??? Do you think I'm about to start writing episodes of Eastenders because I won't swap? No drama! Hadn't you heard - life's a drama. Therefore no drama no life. Fit's I suppose.
· Sat nav??? On an R reg at this price? Sort yourself out.
· Hello again Bob, yes it really does have all that number of cup holders even if you did ‘never realise that’. I am sure that there is some form of Espace cup holder forum somewhere on the net. Why don’t you try to find it and report back? I won’t rest until I have heard the results of your research.
· Eh? Is it petrol or diesel? Do you have attention deficit syndrome or were you given a blood transfusion from a goldfish? By my count there are at least four references to the fuel type.
I can't take anymore....

On 27-Jun-06 at 10:27:49 BST, seller added the following information:
Win two tickets to see Madonna Live -

On 27-Jun-06 at 10:38:24 BST, seller added the following information:
I was right. I didn't want to know. Have you tried counselling or just a reality check with the average person on the clapham omnibus? Maybe you hadn't considered this but doesn't it strike you as being a little odd you don't see many people sleeping in their cars in remote rural car parks on the off chance that it might be a dogging (don't ask) site? Anyway what you do with the car once it's yours is up to you...

On 28-Jun-06 at 07:18:42 BST, seller added the following information:

Last few - been busy. The press are playing with this now should be interesting to see what assumptions and despirate leaps of semi-logic that come up with. Watch this space....

I think the term I used was - I 'took' it to... - this is a past tense. Ergo before now - in the past. This does not imply present use. So your assumption "As it is still being driven around ... well quite frankly without foundation in the arena of logic and deduction. I think I also have stated at least 3 times no tax. There is no tax. It is not being driven now. I know you asked for a short answer however I wouldn't want you making any unwarrented assumptions now. ;-)
No tax
No dents...again.
Yes the windows go up and down. You expect maybe that they swing out like sealed double glazed units?
No there's nothing growing in it. I think you have confused this with a 'garden'. I know it's green but not that green.
Oh I see no - no there is no mold or fungus - where have you got your cars from in the past? Ah I know you've only had small cars ones without mushroom in them. Sorry had to be done.
That's it for now. good time to bid.

Q: does it have ' i wish my wife was as filthy as you! ' written in the dust on the bodywork?
A: Can be arranged, why not bid win and think of all the fun you can have writing all sorts of witty stuff all over it like - also available in green, - don't wash - crops planted or - Do not disturb - bacteria being cultured or 'Hey all life has to start somewhere' or 'This car is clean - maybe it's just your glasses' or 'Clean car clean mind. Dirty car ...' etc etc. So much fun to be had.

Q: Hi, thanks for making me laugh like i havent laughed for a long time !! i just read the questions & indeed your reply . pure class, i may even bid ! cheers Geoff
A: Good - get going then. See it as a small contribution to a more colourful world.

Q: Would you consider breaking this vehicle, as I need some door handles for the same, will give you a fair price for them?
A: Sure, give me oh £3600 and the door handles are yours. I'll even throw in the cup holders. Platothefish

Q: Hello my name is not bob or donald but could you tell me how many cup holders are there? Thank you for the galaxy ad it was brilliant. cheers lez
A: And so it starts...the car has only been on a few minutes. Bob, Donald and now....Lez with a 'Z'. This car is a cupholder on wheels. Must have been designed by someone called Bob or Lez with a 'Z'. You will be able to spend many happy hours moving your cup from holder to holder in this. Indeed your cup holder over floweth with space. So Lez with a 'Z' lets do the maths together. 7 seats each with it's own cup holder plus space for bottles/tins. There are soooo many bloody cup holders I just ran out of time trying to count them. Tell you what if you bid I'll count them again for you. Platothefish

Sunday, June 11, 2006


Super Silver 2001 CITROEN XSARA PICASSO SX 16V MPV Item number: 4646346659

This is the point when the auctions hit the internet. This auction was viewed by over 6500 people and ended up on many forums and blogs. Examples being FARK and The Register. The emails went from 100's to 1000's per day.

The latest....

On 26-May-06 at 09:09:00 BST, seller added the following information:

A quick roundup of the questions - here we go again...

The interior is in very good condition.
Yes it has front fog lights
Yes and rear ones too, Howard.
No I will not give you Donald's email address or send you the pictures. I am not an introductions agency Please read the warning on item no 4643413619
Yes they do work, Howard.
No Howard no 'blown' bulbs. Ever thought of putting all of this in one email?
Oh hi Bob, (see item 4633452260) nice chat with Dick Chaney? Sorry I'm not even going to answer that. Does your mum know that you have access to a computer?

On 26-May-06 at 17:24:06 BST, seller added the following information:

Next batch of questions:

Not sure what I would do with a Shetland Pony in the middle of Oxford, Jason (and please don't take this as a challenge to find a 1001 uses of a Shetland pony in the centre of a city - I get enough emails as it is) but thanks for the offer. NO SWAPS.
It's 5 speed - that's the gears by the way not the ability to do only five physical speeds (like 10, 15, 25, 30 and 70 mph) before someone thinks ...That must have saved me getting at least 34 emails.
I don't guarentee much in life but I will guarentee that its not nicked or under any HP.
For all those who think I'm being a bit hard on Bob, tell you what, send me your email address and I'll pass it on to him. You could always set up a Bob appreciation society, nurture him, go for long walks along station platforms and giggle at the same inane TV programmes together sitting holding hands in matching anoraks. He is feeling a bit down at the moment as the White House didn't answer his emails apparently - no sense of humour some administrations. Be warned he does manage to put emails out like a demented spam bot.
Yes I have the V5 log book
I'm off for a drink.

On 27-May-06 at 22:27:37 BST, seller added the following information:

OK first thing thanks to all those who have sent their good wishes.

Secondly to the 56 'Bobs' who in some strange matrixesque syncronisity have all emailed me in the last 24 hours the answer is no you can't be my special friend.

The first point I would make is that I think that you need some form of parental really shouldn't be offering this sort of thing over the internet; your Mum really wouldn't like it.

The second point is that given the fact that 56 of you all decided to contact me at pretty much the same time from a number of different countries is you have to admit a little odd. Have you ever thought that you might actually be Agent Smith? I'd get a check-up I were you.

Ok on with the questions:

The tyres are good
The clutch is good
The handbrake is good
The lights are good
The radio is good
The CD is good - are you getting a picture here? A pattern forming maybe?
More no doubt later.

On 31-May-06 at 23:18:20 BST, seller added the following information:

Ok last comments. I would like to say thanks the 100's of people now emailing me about cup holders every day. I would like to but I can't.

I am very heartened by people like rasberryberry and quite a few others who took the time to email me and say 'I like your car'. Great, show your appreciation by bidding now.
How on earth am I meant to answer that? Not being psychic working out if it has ever been smoked in is a little on the difficult side don't you think? My powers of deduction however are reasonable - The ashtray is as new and the cigarette lighter has by the looks of it, never been used and there is no smell of anything but car. That should also be taken as answer the numerous questions about the presence of, dogs, cats, sheep, hamsters and any thing else people (particularly ebayers) could possibly be allegic too. Ok and I really don't need anyone to point out that such beasts don't use ashtrays and lighters thanks, just get on with your life.
To the lone American who emailed to say that you didn't like my reference to your Vice President in a previous advert - tough springs to mind. You were never going to bid anyway. however whilst I am the topic I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm not the only one in the world not that impresssed with the performance...

On 04-Jun-06 at 20:04:40 BST, seller added the following information:

Firstly thanks for the messages of support following the pond life that bid last time and didn't pay (item 4643892069). I do seriously wonder about the purpose of some peoples lives. Anyway as you will see in the bidding history, if you have less than 10 positive bids and want to bid for real simply contact me first. Otherwise you will go the way cars4u0606 ( 0 ) has. Bid removed and blocked from bidding until (I was going to say until the next ice age but on reflection the probability of the next ice age happening is somewhat higher than cars4u0606 ( 0 ) or grahamcode113313 ( 0 ) No longer registered with eBay has of getting to bid on any of my stuff again.).

Oh and as happened in a previous auction don't come after the fact and say you didn't know about the rules. Blocked means blocked, even if you did want to bid for real, if you don't ask first I will just change the reason for your being blocked from 'failing to comply with auction rules' to 'lack of intellect - shouldn't be driving'. - Go and try a different planet.

Ok to the questions:

Try this neat trick - r-e-a-d-i-n-g or getting someone better educated to read the description for you. 5 seats - now lets count them together shall we? One, two, and over in the back we have three, four and the last one makes five. Yes! just the same number as the little piggies you have on one hand or foot (on average, given BSH. (British Standard Human)of course). There wasn't that fun? And now through the round window today we have clouds. Yes you can have so much fun trying to walk on them....
All the lights work.
I really haven't the foggiest - ask Citroen. I have to admit of all the artists you wouldn't want designing your car Picasso would come pretty high on the list wouldn't he? Beaten into second probably only by Dali. Can you imagine? The Citroen DALI SE (Surrealist Edition) 2.5 Hatchback...well more of a hatch / coupe / clock / melty thing actually. Citroen have got it all wrong when you think about it. The car version is way too neat and ordered - the steering wheel should really be underneath, the seats stuck to the outside sides of the car with the wheels at random corners and the exhaust would have an analytic converter of course.

On 05-Jun-06 at 15:24:36 BST, seller added the following information:
Where did you go to school? I am now getting emails about the analytic exhaust! What is it with people? There must be something being slipped into the UK water supply, possibly by the government to increase the stupidity quotient of the population in the hope that we don't notice all the taxes and other cute ways of getting us to work for less. Bob (another one - I am getting suspicious about people with this name), Gerrard, Sally and Dean all emailed to say didn't I mean catalytic converter? No as it happens I didn't - It was a pun on on the idea of Analytic Cubism which was the first phase of cubism developed by Picasso and Barque between 1907 and 1912. Stop sending people irrelevant emails and start buying. If it hadn't escaped your notice that's what ebay is about. Buy and in particular buy this MPV, you will feel so much better for it.

On 05-Jun-06 at 22:03:41 BST, seller added the following information:

Thanks for the offer. Now just so that I can be sure that I have this right you want me to write for your magazine. That's nice. This is a magazine that you sell and what's more you make a profit from. That's nice too. You want to give me a regular slot doing an article a month for you. That's also nice. This will help you sell more magazines. Nice as well. You don't want to pay me for writing articles for you to sell. That's the end of nice.Just so that you are aware the Slavery Abolition Act stopped such practices in 1833. We also have a minimum wage in the UK. I've heard about tight but thats tighter than a ducks bum.

Yes you can test drive it - evenings are the best time.
The heating works very well, just the ticket for June with temperatures in the 20's (Celcius).

On 06-Jun-06 at 01:53:29 BST, seller added the following information:
Pay instantly with your debit or credit card through PayPal.

On 06-Jun-06 at 18:56:50 BST, seller added the following information:

Firstly I didn't add the thing about preferring paypal. I prefer cash for vehicles - that way there can be no dispute. You get a great car and I get the money at the same time.

Secondly, Yes it drives very well, it is very smooth.

Thirdly, yes you can have it inspected before the end of the auction. I welcome any inspection by the likes of the RAC or AA etc. Just look at my feedback all my descriptions are spot on. This is a very good vehicle you will be well pleased with it.

Fourth please I have enough photographs of people's wives / girlfriends. I will not swap this car for your wife - Try Relate. Hmmm I might have an ebay auction of wives and girlfriends I have been offered for an MPV with pictures. That should end a few relationships. Maude, sorry I don't take husbands either dear. No I'm not sure how you put up with him, he sounds awful - why on earth would you possibly think I would want him?

On 06-Jun-06 at 19:07:16 BST, seller added the following information:
Sorry you want to swap him for ME??? Er Maude.. he may have no sense of humour, is fat, has no teeth, is bald, hairy in all the wrong places (ugh) and eats like a pig but I'm not up for auction or swapping and I hate to say it but you married him. Yes I agree that was over 50 years ago but I don't do an old for new service. Try leaving him out with the recycling bins - you never know.

On 07-Jun-06 at 00:54:57 BST, seller added the following information:

For crying out loud, haven't people got jobs to do, lives to live or beds to go to? Thanks largely to something called FARK (???) and 'The Register' (sounds like something you did at school) I suddenly appear to have become the clearing house for every wit in the northern hemisphere. I can't delete the emails with references to cupholders fast enough. There must be a cupholder website for people like you somewhere. Thanks guys just what I needed in my life - more bloody emails. If it wasn't for the lack of sex (or the brand I prefer anyway) a monastery is starting to sound like a good career move at this moment in my hitherto uneventful and quite life.

On 07-Jun-06 at 19:43:53 BST, seller added the following information:

Last few....why me?

Sort yourself out - what am I tourist information all of a sudden? No the pedals in the UK are all the same as in the US except we have three of them usually, except when we don't - ask for an auto I wouldn't want you to get confused. Enjoy your holiday in the UK. **************** what like these astericks? Maybe ebay just won't allow Americans to have the astericks in emails. Should have the same rules about weapons too.

The bumpers are fine - this is an excellent vehicle. You will be well pleased with it.

Q: hi just wondering do you have all previos mot or hpi check to confer mileage is genuine or has car any claims or accidents
A: Mots present and no accidents

Q: Did you ever fit your wife and 5 kids in it and if so how
A: You make an assumption that I still have a wife.

Q: How much is shipping to New York, USA? I may need it shipped overnight for a camping trip I am going on. Does it have any bloodstains?
A: $1million and not yet but they could be arranged. You volunteering?


June yes JUNE 2006 Glass's Guide - never opened Item number: 4643413619

You know what it's for.

You know who doesn't want you to have it.

You know how much money you can make / save with it.

So get the JUNE 2006 edition now! Yes bang up to date retail and trade prices.

Brand Spanking New, all shiny and unused.

The guide will be posted 1st Class Recorded Delivery as soon as your payment has been received.

On 25-May-06 at 21:47:25 BST, seller added the following information:

Here we go; the ebay great and good exercising their brain cells - and both of them appear to be in fine working order this month:

Yes it's for car prices - what do you think its for - opticians?
No there are no pages missing - there do appear however, to be not an insignificant number of ebayers with a few pages missing...let me introduce you...
Do you see the word NEW in the ad? Yes me too, therefore NOT USED does spring to mind. Whilst we are on the subject of 'not used' and 'minds'....
Yes it is the latest guide. Unless you live in a different space/time continuum or work from a different calendar to the rest of the human race (I do admit to making somewhat of an assumption here as to your species) June would appear to be the month following this one. Therefore unless I have dropped into some form of treacle borne universe where my time has irrevocably slowed, or that given my life appears to be one exciting whorl wind of meeting such fascinating creatures on ebay that I hadn't actually noticed June slipping past, then yes the June 2006 edition is the latest guide. Sniff... whats that smell?? Smells like singed neuron to me.
Can I just say here and now if anyone else asks for me to send them the photos (see item 4633452260) from Donald and his wife I will publish their email addresses here for all to flame them. This would be a just punishment for making two assumptions. First is the assumption that I am sad enough to have kept the photographs - trust me they were not pretty. Secondly that I would collude with your unhealthy sexual habits...(yewe! ugh). I think that there is enough rot on the www without spreading any more. You have been warned.
Hey what can I say? Let's start with NO. If you want the trade price for a Daewoo buy the bloody book - I'm not an information service. I shudder to ask, but what are you doing considering a Daewoo? I am proud to say I know of no one who owns such a vehicle and the people I have seen driving them, I have to say, don't exactly inspire confidence.

If you are confused about any of the questions and replies that are here or want to see the orginal Galaxy ad go to where all the questions and replies reside. There is also the multiversity blog at (requires a higher IQ). The serious Ambiguity Advantage blog is at


On 26-May-06 at 09:51:07 BST, seller added the following information:

For the love of....

I had no idea that there were so many Daewoo drivers on ebay (on reflection...). Sorry Ginny or is it Ginnie or Ginne my statement stands. How the hell can you argue that Daewoo drivers are 'normal' people when you send me an email where you have (miss)spelt your own name in three different ways. 'Normal' people as you put it know how to spell their own name. How was school? Hard? - I bet. I reckon you were a little confused to get such low marks in the exams especially when the teacher told you that 5 marks were guaranteed just for putting your name on the paper. Dear me where are all these people living? Is there some estate somewhere not on the maps, hidden away by the government that it keeps quite about - like the old nuclear bunkers, just in case a census reveals the real educational attainments of the UK?
Now there's an idea - I know MENSA has quite low membership numbers but I wondered if a membership organisation called DENSA would be more successful. Being able to spell your own name would probably bar you from membership, but owning a Daewoo would put you right up there in their hall of fame, board level no doubt.

Yes it will be sent to you as soon as I get the payment.
Yep by first class recorded, Bill - read the ad.
Yes if you want it by special delivery I can arrange that - no probs
Bill, why the 'f' did you ask all those questions about postage and then ask if you can pick it up as you just live around the corner? I have a horrid feeling the estate I speculated about above could be some what closer than I feared.
Ok enough bid!

Wednesday, May 03, 2006


MAY 2006 Glass's Guide YES MAY 2006!!! Unused Item number: 4634871418

Q:hi there, what is your buy it now price regards neil.
A:There isn't one. The bid now button, whilst a miserable replacement usually satisfies, give it a go, you know it makes sense.
Q:Can i buy this GUIDE from Woolworths?
A:You shop at Woolworths???? Woh way out of my shopping league - on different planet..
Q:I've heard from an insider that May's issue features an exposé on faulty cup holders in contemporary vehicles, can you confirm this?
A:Imagine what value the new 'glasses guide for human values May 2006 would catalogue the following at: ......................... The ever popular high milage 'ebayius emailier horribalus' with extra side handles and spare tyre. The frankly very low production special edition model of 'ebayius intelligencia gotalifeia' and of course the 'lesser spotted nonebayius productiva lifeoralla'.
Q:hi could you tell me how much a picasso 2003 is worth regards gregers
A:Hmmmm now let me look...retail or trade? Ahh here we are page 177. Ok Trade is.... er hang on just make sure I have the right model. Ok here it is yup Lots and retail, well that must me a missprint. Ok, nope it must be right. Retail is a hell of a lot. BID...NOW you are sure of a bargain.
Q:You describe this as MAY 2006 Glass's Guide YES MAY 2006!!! Unused Why does it say April on the front cover?
A:Ooops wrong photo...I'll replace it sorry
Q: hi,, how much to buy it now,,,, including delivery,, paypal... Simon
A: Sorry no buy it now. Bidding all the way. Regards Dave
Q:whats the average size of a fully grown male bottle nose dolphin (at room temperature)?
A:Odd that you should ask this. As a dolphin trainer for Gullible Travel Seaworld I think that you will find the average of the Atlantic bottlenose dolphin is about 10 feet maxing out at 12 feet long. This compares favourably with the common bottle brained homo sapien who stretches out to a mean of about 5' less with an IQ and wit to match. Tipped for extinction the WWF and the UN have decided not to place 'homo stellacognito daftus' them under a protection order in the interests of the protection of the higher order species 'homo ebayus sellaris'. Show your IQ - Bid and now. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q:have you got a buy it now price?
A:Hi No but there is a very nice buy it later button cunningly disguised as a 'bid now' button. Give it a go. It will increase your IQ by at least 20 points and make you even more attractive. Have fun.

Monday, May 01, 2006


More replies SUPER SILVER 2003 CITROEN XSARA PICASSO MPV Item number: 4634600730

On 28-Apr-06 at 23:06:29 BST, seller added the following information:

So many emails so much a waste of lives - mine mainly. The lowlights this evening:

I used to enjoy looking in my email box in the morning, getting messages from family and mates that sort of stuff. Hay ho!

On 30-Apr-06 at 15:36:01 BST, seller added the following information:

Another batch of questions...don't think I can reply to any more individually so I have rounded them up and here is a selection:

More as I get through them and when I can be bothered.


Question & Answer

Sunday, April 30, 2006


Questions from other members : SUPER Beautiful KIMBARA CLASSICAL GUITAR Item number: 7409574663

Q: just seen your items for sale i cant believe the ppl on ebay they must be from frigging planet yonk never laughed so must in my life well done on the replies to them
A: Hmmm been searching the A-Z Street Atlas of the Universe the Saga Guide to Interplanatery Travel by Zimmer Frame and the Rough guide to Veggie Meals for under a tenner in the Galaxy and beyond. Nope, no planet Yonk. A review is a must.

Q: hi, do you think it would be possible to fit a small child in the case with the guitar removed?
A: Shhhh don't tell anyone but there is actually a family of fairies living in there now. Only special people can see them. Going by your question I feel sure that you are one of those 'special' people. Remember now don't tell anyone, especially a grown up.

Q: do the cupholders work?
A: Hmmm I wonder, as a kid did you find that you were always the first to be picked for the team sports? No? (I can't imagine why not). Ok Did you ever find it strange that in a class of 32 no one ever appeared to have a birthday party and oddly that when you had yours (in a that very nice telephone box at the end of your road) everyone else was having root canal surgery all at the same time? As an adult do you find that your social life revolves around QVC? Sound familier erhm 'Playboy'? Whilst we are on the subject I am sure that as a QVC account holder you will find some lovely cup holders on the said channel. Learning to play this guitar could just be what you are looking for. Just think how popular you could be in your thick woolly cardigan, strumming Kumbaya down at the centre. Now about your ebay name...I don't want to be the first to say anything but....

Q: Dave I liked your answers! Are any parts of this guitar laminated? Can I pick up if I win this . Thanks Tony Herts
A: Hi Tony. It's solid wood and yes you an pick it up. I assume you are close and capable. No postage if you do, safer and even better you can bring the cash. This is a very nice instrument. If you are close you are welcome to come and look before you bid. Regards Dave

Q: Does it have cup-holders? Sorry...i just had to! but does it? no really???? I'll get me coat.......
A: Good have a niced long walk. This is the first of 23 mentioning cup holders to date. I suppose there is a little bit of Bob in quite a large percentage of the population. Sad really. I think a Bob blog is called for. Ok guys it's being constructed at:

Q: You say this is a classical accoustic guitar but how many strings are there ?
A: I find counting usually helps. However as an equal opportunities seller and in the interests of diversity I would not want to be accused of disadvantaging the neuronally challanged. One answer is that there are no strings attached. Another is the only string attached is you need to bid and pay and no doubt many more references to strings. However the best advice I can give you is to click on the little box next to where it says 'your maximum bid' and type in 100 and click bid now. Simple, satisfying and almost guaranteed to boost your IQ by oh about 3 points per £ bid. have fun!

Q: Dave, coulld you possibly play a few bars so I hear what it sounds like. Cheers. Greg.
A: There you go.

Q: Hi, Could you tell me a bit about the action on the guitar? thanks, Duncan
A: Hi Duncan. A pleasure. That's it. It was a pleasure, we both enjoyed it and she didn't fret. We had an upper bout as well, which as you can imagine was key to the hole action. She asked was my finger board. I had to say no of course not, how could it be as you have such a sound hole. She asked if I liked the head. Well I couldn't lie now could I? I mean, what's a guy to say when she had a bridge like that? I felt such a nut. Anyhow I showed her my saddle and she said 'You're 1st String with me anytime', even my vibration machine heads in the wrong direction compared to yew. So I upped the tempo. To really get her going I headed for her crotchet and tried lower bout and that appeared to amplify her tune. In addition I must just say that she had the most amazing rosette. Quite wonderful. Does that answer your question? might help

Q: Is the guitar an electric one?
A: Here we go again. Its Acoustic. look it up on Google. However in your case try this. Bid, win, get the guitar and follow these instructions: Take a 3 pin 13 amp plug and replace the fuse with a small piece of wire from a coat hanger. Wire the plug up with a length of high ampage cable (available from any DIY store). Bare the other ends of the wire. You will notice on the guitar that some of the strings are silver and shiny. Attach the red wire to the end of one shiny silver string. Attach the blue wire to another siny silver string. Now you are left with a green and yellow wire. This is fine, just leave it loose and make sure (this is important) that it doesn't touch any part of the guitar or you. Wouldn't want to spoil the effect. Ok simply insert the plug into an electric socket of your choice and switch on at the wall. You now have a super electric / acoustic guitar. Play a few bars and you will be shocked at how well you play.

Friday, April 28, 2006


Super FORD GALAXY GHIA AUTO SILVER MPV Item number: 4633452260

On 22-Apr-06 at 13:49:33 BST, seller added the following information:

Ok for the person who came to test drive it and exclaimed "Oh it's Silver - I don't want a Silver one!" Yes it's Silver. Just so that there is no error here The title says it's Silver, the description confirms this and guess what? When you look at the photo's what do you see? Yup you got it. It is indeed Silver. I am so glad that you came to view it, thanks for brightening my day.

On 22-Apr-06 at 13:58:42 BST, seller added the following information:

Had 4 or 5 people asking what the reserve is....I can't see a reserve price on it...can you? there isn't one. This is selling all the way. When the hammer falls the highest bidder wins regardless.

On 22-Apr-06 at 14:45:39 BST, seller added the following information:
Ok a round up of the latest emails:

Ok I think I have become email capital of ebay...a real magnet for wonderful questions:

Keep up the emails as there is nothing else I'd rather be doing with my time. have fun and happy bidding. Is it a full moon tonight?

On 22-Apr-06 at 23:00:22 BST, seller added the following information:

Come on guys give it a rest it's saturday night...get a life...

Sunday the day of rest...yeah right...more gems from ebay land...

Thought this might interest you - On one of my last auctions the guy who won it said that he had hooked himself up to a blood pressure monitor in the closing minutes of the bidding and his pressure went up to some ridiculous level. I do wonder some people on the net at times. Must get out more and interact with more carbon based life forms (humanoid) springs to mind.

Ok guys enough for today. I'm off to do some things as I have a life. More tomorrow no doubt.

On 24-Apr-06 at 09:35:52 BST, seller added the following information:

Well stuff me sideways with a large mexican cactus...a mail box crammed with 100's of emails...thanks just what I want to be doing on my Birthday. Yes Happy birthday to me, oh the joys of age...Ok another and possibly the last round up as ebay won't let me add anything I think within 24 hours of the end. The end is nigh.

Thankfully not long to go now so bid.

Thanks for the many messages of appreciation and yes for those that asked try this

Have fun bid high. I'm off to blow out far too many candles.

On 24-Apr-06 at 10:04:28 BST, seller added the following information:

No I don't live in Lancaster??? I live in Oxford.

On 24-Apr-06 at 10:42:55 BST, seller added the following information:

Heaven help us...
Another is it left hand drive?

On 24-Apr-06 at 13:35:55 BST, seller added the following information:

Last few:

On 24-Apr-06 at 13:38:39 BST, seller added the following information:

No Bob the cup holders are not broken or damaged in any way. As I said they work.

On 24-Apr-06 at 13:41:05 BST, seller added the following information:

Well Bob I just suppose that depends on how big your cups are doesn't it. No I haven't tried them with tins. I Don't drink and drive Bob.

On 24-Apr-06 at 13:47:14 BST, seller added the following information:

Bob haven't you got work to do or do you find that you have a problem relating to the rest of the human race? What is it with the cup holders? My suggestion is that rather than buying a car you go out and buy a cup holder. It's much safer - trust me.

On 24-Apr-06 at 13:51:15 BST, seller added the following information:

Thanks Bob and I hope that you have a nice day too. Oh by the way Bob you are now barred from bidding. I figure that the motoring and pedestrian population of Great Britain are safer that way.

On 24-Apr-06 at 15:10:48 BST, seller added the following information:

Bob sending me an email under a different name won't work either. You are the only person in the world who is even remotely interested in the cup holders and you have misspelled the swear words in exactly the same way as you did in your last email. Nobody and I mean nobody cares about cup holders. Now let me make some predictions Bob and you tell me if I'm right.

How am I doing?

On 24-Apr-06 at 15:20:42 BST, seller added the following information:

Hi Bob,
Thanks for your prompt reply. How did I know about the trainspotting, the telly thing and the shirts? Just a wild crazy guess I suppose. Even though you are not a virgin are only living with your mum temporarily you are still barred. Hey tell you what, there is a chap who would love to swap emails with you. He's not doing much at the moment, he's just tending some land in the middle east and buggering up a few million peoples lives. He would be delighted to have a friend. How about you send him an email on . All the best.

On 24-Apr-06 at 22:32:49 BST, seller added the following information:

Ahhh back on! I would like to thank all the people who have sent me e-birthday cards and greetings. Thank you.

Jamie I am sooo pleased that you have been in tears reading this. Me too - the bidding is slow!

Thanks to everyone (except Bob and Donald). Bid now please.

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