Thursday, June 29, 2006


Super 1998 RENAULT ESPACE RT DT GREEN MPV Item number: 170000740580

On 26-Jun-06 at 16:47:19 BST, seller added the following information:


I've been away for a couple of days. I'll get going on the replies today. It's a bit slow at the moment only a couple of hundred waiting for me when I opened up my mail box this afternoon.

So here are the first few, I'll tackle the rest after a stiff drink tonight - from a quick glance at my inbox the Recycle Bin will be putting on some weight.

I appear to have got a small amount of racist, bigoted rubbish that some people believe is humorous. Let me say right here and now - the short cut to the bin is to email gunge like that.

Ok on with some of the questions - from the first couple I appear to have gained the status of a medium. Also so now lets extend the description to no swaps and no fortune telling. I don't do the future or make predictions. If I could the National Lottery would be boring for the rest of you.

Paulie there are 7 seats - see description above. That kind of gives quite a bit of a clue as to how many people it will seat. Takes deductive logic I grant you, and Ok have to admit that I am making the assumption that you would want them all to sit on seats and stick within the law etc. - as I am learning on ebay - take nothing and especially no one for granted.

That's a tough I know you? Nope, don't think so. Have I ever clapped eyes on your family? Nope, don't think so. Do I know what make and model of dog you have? Also no. So given the fact that I have no idea how big your family actually is, nor do I know how big your dog is, just what predictions do you actually think I am able to make about whether or not you will all fit in the damn car?
My question back is - can your wife actually drive? What exactly am I meant to do with a question like 'will my wife be able to drive this?'. There are of course other questions I might need the answers to, to be able to tell you... Questions like - Is she alive? Is she old enough? Can her legs reach the pedals? Indeed is she human - you do hear of some weird marriages between species...Give me a clue at least.

Charles, I am genuinely happy for you - I really am. You sound soo happy who couldn't be happy for you? The only thing that baffles me is what on earth has your relationship got to do with this auction? Further I have no idea why you would want to email a complete stranger and tell them a) how much in love you are, b) what a great lover she is and c) that you will be visiting Leeds next month. Do you need an MPV to: a) deepen your love? b) keep your love life on a plateau ? c) get to Leeds in?

Yes it has a Jack

Yes the radio works

Yes there are loads of paper work for it and I mean loads.

Oh Hi Bob

Yes all the windows work - you can see through them. ???

No there are no dents.

I have a what way exactly can a cup holder not work? It's a like asking if a golf hole works? You put things in them - how could that not work? Are you asking if they are full already? Am I missing something here?

More after a barrel of beer tonight. I can't face any more revelations about the ability of people to attend to an auction. Please, it really is easy. See something you need. Make sure it's what you want. Bid, win, buy, give me the money and I give you a great deal and a fab MPV. When I do it the other way around it appears to work quite well. I don't think I have ever looked at a book and mused - I wonder if any of the words are missing? Have all the pictures been coloured in yet? Has anyone ever eaten a bun reading the book? Nope never a thought.

On 26-Jun-06 at 21:59:00 BST, seller added the following information:

Ok I have a beer and I am feeling ready to tackle the deluge:

· Kippers or joints? The "has anyone smoked in the vehicle" question is now the second most popular question after the cup holders variations of course. I, nor any of my family / friends smoke. (If you want any help with such weaknesses / addictions contact me - I'm serious but it will cost you.) Now about the previous owners and all it's passengers in it's 100,000 mile history...all I can say is there is no evidence of such (bits of coughed up lung, yellow slime etc etc.) however I, but a mere mortal who failed their A level mediumship examinations at school.
· Kay, there has to be an easier way to get an MPV than offering to marry the seller. Just a thought but had you considered buying it? It's a lot less hassle honest. Fair enough, you won't get the gifts, cards and funnymoon but even then I think if you examine the options you'll find it's a better deal than your proposed action. At least you can sell it on when you want a new model without having to split the house, pensions and having a fight over who gets custody of the cat.
· Ppppplease whilst I am sure that it is hilariously funny at your school to boast that you have sent 'that guy on ebay' a piccy of your bum (I assume that's what it was - the focus needs a little work) it doesn't really cause me to want to converse with you. And yes young lady as it happens I can guess your gender; either that or you have a serious problem young man.
· No air con.
· No sunroof
· No damp
· No rust
· No Accident damage
· No you can't. It hardly fits with anything that could possibly be termed as a normal inspection. It's an MPV not a campervan. Just out of curiosity do you often allow random people to sleep in your car outside your house? I'm not sure I really want to know the answer to this but why would you want to?
· Yes I have the V5
· There is a saying creeping into our language like some form of insidious linguistic Mexican wave; "No drama". - For example take the next few emails...Will you swap your MPV for a ..... if not no drama. (No f%^&*ng swaps ok????). Does it have central locking? If not no drama. (yes by the way). Can I rent it for the weekend if not no drama. (no I'm not rentaMPV) Can I fit a towbar to it if not no drama. (once you have bought it you can fit a bar, paint it day glow pink and cover it with pedigree chum and sparklers if you want). No drama?? what do you mean no bloody drama??? Do you think I'm about to start writing episodes of Eastenders because I won't swap? No drama! Hadn't you heard - life's a drama. Therefore no drama no life. Fit's I suppose.
· Sat nav??? On an R reg at this price? Sort yourself out.
· Hello again Bob, yes it really does have all that number of cup holders even if you did ‘never realise that’. I am sure that there is some form of Espace cup holder forum somewhere on the net. Why don’t you try to find it and report back? I won’t rest until I have heard the results of your research.
· Eh? Is it petrol or diesel? Do you have attention deficit syndrome or were you given a blood transfusion from a goldfish? By my count there are at least four references to the fuel type.
I can't take anymore....

On 27-Jun-06 at 10:27:49 BST, seller added the following information:
Win two tickets to see Madonna Live -

On 27-Jun-06 at 10:38:24 BST, seller added the following information:
I was right. I didn't want to know. Have you tried counselling or just a reality check with the average person on the clapham omnibus? Maybe you hadn't considered this but doesn't it strike you as being a little odd you don't see many people sleeping in their cars in remote rural car parks on the off chance that it might be a dogging (don't ask) site? Anyway what you do with the car once it's yours is up to you...

On 28-Jun-06 at 07:18:42 BST, seller added the following information:

Last few - been busy. The press are playing with this now should be interesting to see what assumptions and despirate leaps of semi-logic that come up with. Watch this space....

I think the term I used was - I 'took' it to... - this is a past tense. Ergo before now - in the past. This does not imply present use. So your assumption "As it is still being driven around ... well quite frankly without foundation in the arena of logic and deduction. I think I also have stated at least 3 times no tax. There is no tax. It is not being driven now. I know you asked for a short answer however I wouldn't want you making any unwarrented assumptions now. ;-)
No tax
No dents...again.
Yes the windows go up and down. You expect maybe that they swing out like sealed double glazed units?
No there's nothing growing in it. I think you have confused this with a 'garden'. I know it's green but not that green.
Oh I see no - no there is no mold or fungus - where have you got your cars from in the past? Ah I know you've only had small cars ones without mushroom in them. Sorry had to be done.
That's it for now. good time to bid.

Q: does it have ' i wish my wife was as filthy as you! ' written in the dust on the bodywork?
A: Can be arranged, why not bid win and think of all the fun you can have writing all sorts of witty stuff all over it like - also available in green, - don't wash - crops planted or - Do not disturb - bacteria being cultured or 'Hey all life has to start somewhere' or 'This car is clean - maybe it's just your glasses' or 'Clean car clean mind. Dirty car ...' etc etc. So much fun to be had.

Q: Hi, thanks for making me laugh like i havent laughed for a long time !! i just read the questions & indeed your reply . pure class, i may even bid ! cheers Geoff
A: Good - get going then. See it as a small contribution to a more colourful world.

Q: Would you consider breaking this vehicle, as I need some door handles for the same, will give you a fair price for them?
A: Sure, give me oh £3600 and the door handles are yours. I'll even throw in the cup holders. Platothefish

Q: Hello my name is not bob or donald but could you tell me how many cup holders are there? Thank you for the galaxy ad it was brilliant. cheers lez
A: And so it starts...the car has only been on a few minutes. Bob, Donald and now....Lez with a 'Z'. This car is a cupholder on wheels. Must have been designed by someone called Bob or Lez with a 'Z'. You will be able to spend many happy hours moving your cup from holder to holder in this. Indeed your cup holder over floweth with space. So Lez with a 'Z' lets do the maths together. 7 seats each with it's own cup holder plus space for bottles/tins. There are soooo many bloody cup holders I just ran out of time trying to count them. Tell you what if you bid I'll count them again for you. Platothefish

If you ever think of coming to Austraia for a holiday for christs sake contact me and I will have a few parties with you as guest of honour. The MPV got me in stitches and you MUST be better entertainment than watching the bloody World cup after Oz got beaten by the Ref err I mean Italy
Well just a note to say you made my day - great to come home from work and read your efforts in trying to sell your car - Legend. Hope your birthday didn't suck too much - this has made it all the way to Kalgoorlie Australia so if you need a career change a think comedy is right up your alley.

Thanks again - still laughing.
Really sorry to bother you on this fine friday night, but i seen a link on a website about the idiots that were emailing you, and i have you say i was in tears reading what you went through, i just hope the money was worth it, Your pain has cheered up my night, total respect for you, your a legend!.

Thanks Very Much.
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